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Fantasy Bonding

Why Change is so Difficult and Agonizing

In psychology, there is a little-known theory called the power of Fantasy Bonding. This is the concept that underlies pretty much every facet of today’s life, and yet very few of us are aware of the influences that it has on us.

Have you ever noticed how so many people hate the holidays?

For many people, watching holiday specials and commercials of families gathered around the table celebrating huge feasts makes us feel bad, especially if we don’t have families to sit around the table and celebrate with. Worse, many of these commercials plant expectations of happy, smiling families opening up presents, eating chocolate eggs, or celebrating by exchanging gifts and cards.

Even without knowing it, when we watch these commercials, it sets up an expectation in our mind of what we need to do during the holidays to be happy and healthy. These visions technically become our fantasies, and then many of us feel like we must have the perfect dinner, the perfect seating arrangement, the perfect presents, and have everyone sitting around in such a picture-perfect framework. As such, we begin to “bond” with these “fantasies.”

And advertising does this to us repeatedly. You don’t even buy a house or a car anymore, you simply buy a lifestyle. As if the only vehicle you can take out to the mountains is some brand-new SUV. I don’t know if anyone has actually been in the mountains lately, but most roads at this point are completely paved and your family car will be just fine.

Without knowing it, though, we also do this in our sexual lives.

Many of us will have fantasies or ideas or stories that we want to carry out. We see something in a movie, read something in a book, watch something online, and all of a sudden, we have a fantasy of what we desire sexually. If we’re not careful, many of us will put these fantasies on a pedestal and if they do not come true, we may feel disappointed, sad, let down, or worse, even rejected.

Fantasies become a playful escape ground for our imaginations. But we must be careful that we don’t pursue a fantasy for fear of abandoning reality or feeling crushed if those fantasies are not met.

Everyone always says the grass is greener on the other side, but as we said on the farm, the grass is greener where you water it!!!

Come heal, grow and create together


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