The Power of Saying, “Yes” in Relationships.
New Year’s Resolution
As we leave behind the first month of the New Year, and many of us have already begun to give up on our New Year’s resolutions, and all of that “New Year, New Me” hullabaloo, it is time to look forward to our next most favourite Hallmark holiday, Valentine’s Day. Yes, February is definitely a month of love, and thus we get to start focusing on our very important romantic and intimate relationships.
So, in the spirit of the upcoming month dedicated to sex, intimacy, romance, and passion, I thought I would share a fun little activity to bring a little bit of joy, playfulness, and excitement into your relationship.
When I was in university, our instructor brought my class and another class into a Theatre for a total of about 24 graduate level students. Our task was simple, team up with a stranger, and ask simple (but appropriate) “yes” or “no” questions. For example: Do you like to travel? Do you like hotdogs? Do you like dogs? etc. For the first half of the activity, only one person asked the questions and the other person was obligated to respond “yes” to every question. Within the first minute, the Theatre was filled with laughter, energy, excitement, hilarity, and exhilaration. The instructor allowed this to continue for about 2 or 3 minutes, and people were laughing so hard that tears were rolling down faces.
You could hear a pin drop within 30 seconds.
Then, for the second half of the activity, the person who initially had to respond “yes” to all the questions, was then encouraged to ask “yes” or “no” questions, while the other person then had to respond “No” to all of the questions. Well, you could hear a pin drop within 30 seconds. The place was completely silent, and really rather awkward. All the energy in the room had been totally shut down, painfully so, in 30 seconds.
The take away from the lesson, was that when we find opportunities to say “yes” to each other, we generate growth, energy, spontaneity, and excitement. The same thing happens in relationships. When we find opportunities to say “yes” to each other (obviously to reasonable requests and not asking people to do things they truly do not want to do) we create a form of excitement and energy that we can build on. Saying “yes”, leads to adventure, exploration, and new discoveries.
It brings us closer together, increases connection, and helps establish our bonds.
But when we say “no”, other people can feel uncomfortable, rejected, ashamed, embarrassed and unwanted. When this occurs, the other person will feel deflated, energy collapses, and so does the overall enjoyment and happiness in their relationship.
So, if you want to try something fun this Valentine’s Day month, try saying “yes” a little bit more and see what happens.
As we said on the farm, “to learn something new, you have to take risks. To take risks you have to say “yes” to new opportunities even if they scare you.
Come heal, grow and create together
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