Nurturing Self Compassion
Following my previous blog post, we discussed how self-compassion is about treating ourselves with care and support, especially during times of difficulty and stress. Aside from its benefits to individual well-being, it also lays the foundation or interpersonal well-being.
By acknowledging our own imperfections with kindness and understanding, we cultivate a reservoir of empathy that spills over into our interactions with others.
When we treat ourselves compassionately, we are better equipped to extend the same grace to our partners, fostering an environment of acceptance and mutual support.
Research further supports this notion. Couples surveyed using a self-compassion scale developed by Kristen Neff, one of the leading researchers, found that those with higher levels of self-compassion have higher rates of healthy relationship behaviour, such as being more caring and supportive and less controlling and verbally aggressive (1). Moreover, those who identified as self-compassionate tended to be better communicators and were, on average, more affectionate, sexually and emotionally intimate, and more accepting of their partner’s autonomy.
It makes sense: when you're kinder to yourself, you're naturally kinder to your partner. You give yourself permission to be human, to make mistakes, and to learn and grow from them. Naturally, you extend that same grace when in a healthy partnership.
But it doesn't end there. Self-compassion isn't just beneficial for those in current relationships; it also serves as a powerful tool when going through a separation. Studies show that individuals who practice self-compassion during a breakup seem to adjust better—not just at the time but even nine months out (2). While people with high self-compassion will still feel the pain of the separation, they are less likely to dwell/ruminate on the past, heavily punish themselves for real or perceived transgressions or get stuck in feelings of loneliness. In other words, they are able to view life challenges as part of the human experience.
In essence, self-compassion is not merely a solo journey of self-discovery; it is a cornerstone for healthy and supportive partnerships. As we learn to extend compassion to ourselves, we pave the way for greater empathy and more authentic and vulnerable relationships.
(1) Neff, K. D., & Beretvas, S. N. (2013). The role of self-compassion in romantic relationships. Self and Identity, 12(1), 78–98.
(2) Sbarra, D. A., Smith, H. L., & Mehl, M. R. (2012). When leaving your ex, love yourself: Observational ratings of self-compassion predict the course of emotional recovery following marital separation. Psychological Science, 23(3), 261-269.
Nurturing yourself, does nurture the people around you!
Till Next Time – Andreea
Therapy can be one of the ways in which we can we learn to extend compassion to ourselves.
To receive more at-home resources and guided exercise on self-compassion, please book an appointment, and let’s talk more about how self compassion can positively impact your life, relationships, and well-being!
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